Good morning, Noisebridge!
Effective immediately, Noisebridge is now transitioning to become a Professional Hackerspace! What does this mean? Excellent question.
In short, it means we’ll be filling the paperwork this afternoon to drop our 501c3 classification which will allow us to finance a new strategy of leveraging our underutilized value centers (aka you hackers who for some stupid reason do all this shit for free) to generate massive returns on our upcoming IPO! That’s right, we’re going public, baby.
Most people shouldn’t notice much of a difference at all, except that you’ll now have a new superior you’ll be reporting to (either myself, Ruth, or Nicole), a fresh new jumpsuit uniform in your locker, and a new contract to sign along with it. Dont worry about the contract, it’s just the usual employment agreement that includes good stock options and assignment of your power of attorney. To be specific, the option is for you to buy back your right to leave 2169 mission st at a discounted price. Really, it’s fine and standard for the industry. Just sign it and drop it in the mailbox today along with the required stool and blood samples. Sign today and lock in your $2,600 exit rate before costs go up. They only ever go up. I will not be responding to any questions on the contract.
Starting this evening, Noisebridge LLC will begin to offer mandatory free employee lodging in the basement. The Facilities Guild spent all of two hours this morning assembling new hacker stackers from all the shit in the hacker shelves, so I can give my personal guarantee that you probably won’t die from sleeping in them! They’re fine! Probably!! Your contract has a waiver, anyways.
On behalf of our new future VC investors, I welcome you all to the New Noisebridge family. I’m sure you had a choice in which soulless corporation you sell your excess labor value to, and I’m overwhelmed with joy that you’ve decided to contribute to my golden parachute. But really though, at Noisebridge, think of it as our golden parachute that benefits your @tdfischer. That’s the magic of anarchosyndicalism!