Introducing some new rules and regulations

Good morning, Noisebridge!

Effective immediately, Noisebridge is now transitioning to become a Professional Hackerspace! What does this mean? Excellent question.

In short, it means we’ll be filling the paperwork this afternoon to drop our 501c3 classification which will allow us to finance a new strategy of leveraging our underutilized value centers (aka you hackers who for some stupid reason do all this shit for free) to generate massive returns on our upcoming IPO! That’s right, we’re going public, baby.

Most people shouldn’t notice much of a difference at all, except that you’ll now have a new superior you’ll be reporting to (either myself, Ruth, or Nicole), a fresh new jumpsuit uniform in your locker, and a new contract to sign along with it. Dont worry about the contract, it’s just the usual employment agreement that includes good stock options and assignment of your power of attorney. To be specific, the option is for you to buy back your right to leave 2169 mission st at a discounted price. Really, it’s fine and standard for the industry. Just sign it and drop it in the mailbox today along with the required stool and blood samples. Sign today and lock in your $2,600 exit rate before costs go up. They only ever go up. I will not be responding to any questions on the contract.

Starting this evening, Noisebridge LLC will begin to offer mandatory free employee lodging in the basement. The Facilities Guild spent all of two hours this morning assembling new hacker stackers from all the shit in the hacker shelves, so I can give my personal guarantee that you probably won’t die from sleeping in them! They’re fine! Probably!! Your contract has a waiver, anyways.

On behalf of our new future VC investors, I welcome you all to the New Noisebridge family. I’m sure you had a choice in which soulless corporation you sell your excess labor value to, and I’m overwhelmed with joy that you’ve decided to contribute to my golden parachute. But really though, at Noisebridge, think of it as our golden parachute that benefits your @tdfischer. That’s the magic of anarchosyndicalism!

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Really excited for this new direction. This year is gonna be a crucible year and I can’t wait to see the incredible growth you all will be driving.

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Of course a change to a Professional Hackerspace would not be completed without a change to a professional logo. So today we’re launching a new logo, as we start to refresh our look in general.

We loved our old logo, and look, and know many felt the same. And yet, here we are to explain why we decided to evolve it.

It uses a simpler color palette and, we believe, is more refined, but still contains the spirit of the original. It’s an evolution, and one that can scale easily, and work better, in many more places.

Over the next few months, you’ll see all the other visuals around Noisebridge LLC aligning around this new direction: on the website, in advertising, and in some places in the product (though not in a way that will keep you from the important business of getting things done, of course). It’s still us. We’re still Noisebridge. But more consistent and, we hope, more instantly recognizable.

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Thank you, Jarrod, for this wonderful contribution. Looks great on my iphone

Of course, Noisebridge values all of our associates. Yours is approximately $8,726 right now and as a bonus I’ll offer you the ability to buy back your logo for $15 with an option to not buy it back for $25.

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I would also like to point out some of the new internet policies at Noise Bridge. In order to ward off potential IP theft from anonymous outside parties, we have decided to to adopt a Radically Open communication standard.
As in: in order to participate in online discussion - you will need to update your profile with no less than your Name, Number, Email, DoB, Address, SSN, and at least 3 clear profile pictures (hair up, no glasses). For all those presently interned at NB, you can request a scanned copy of your identification at the front desk.

Remember! If it’s worth saying, it’s worth saying Openly!

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I for one welcome our new corporate overlords. The whole anarchist thing was so played out and we definitely need some newness to appeal the youth and their parents. That’s why Noisebridge has decided to close for summers so that Noisecamp TM can offer fair trade, organically certified tech camps for the tech overlords of tomorrow. I know this may disappointing for some of you but we really need to live by our ideals and be radically inclusive by creating an exclusive space for young people.

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At Noisebridge LLC, transparency is one of our 25 Core Principles. To celebrate our celebration of the openness that @themanmaran mentioned, we have begun monitoring the internet traffic of all employees, guests, and intruders alike.

We are also proud to stand by our commitment to equality, which is why all non-C-level employees have all their behavior monitored equally – no exceptions**.

**Exceptions include those with a waiver. But worry not – in order to be valid, these waivers must be Approved using some process documented somewhere, so you can be confident that this process is good for the people it was meant to be good for. To invalidate your waiver, please sign and submit to the front desk your waiver waiver. :wave: :wave:

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We hope you enjoy your mandatory involvement in the new Noisebridge. Rest assured that our commitment to you has not changed, and that while @tdfischer now directly benefits from your contributions, we will continue to be ruled by Mary Poppins, our easily manipulated robot overlord.

Please remember to not shit in the woodshop. Thank you. :slight_smile:

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I’m looking forward to the voluntary mandatory 6 AM calisthenics singing the Noisebridge anthem,