TAKE WITH GRAIN OF SALT, THESE ARE ONLY IDEAS…
So I’ve barely been listening to any “arguments” as I already have enough of my own to deal with BUT I’m curious if in the conversations if we as a community can acknowledge that if you
Call me a Name/word/idea:
Then I’m going to get angry and tell you to shove it as that is not who I am.
-------------This would be my natural reaction.-------------------
Something I’ve learned from personal experience and would like to share is this.
P1: “Your an abelist/bigot/Jerk/dickhead/punk…whatever”
P2: “Damn, That hurts, I do not see myself as such”
“BUT… Please tell me what I’m doing that makes you feel this way”
///Being angry is OK, but…
/// IF you leave the anger in there(when trying to communicate) you may say things in an accusatory and bigoted manner that inflame the situation instead of trying to actually resolve the conflict and find a solution and then we go back to square one and have to start over.
P1: " …List of concise non-agressive items that are facts about how the situation makes P1 FEEL "
P2: CAN NOW FEEL EMPATHY for P1
P2: Now P2 feels comfortable changing their behavior and asks “Is there something different I can DO to make you feel more comfortable?”
P1: “Thank you, Yes, It would help me if you could say THIS instead of THAT”
P2: “No Problem, I can do that for you”
STEP 1: Establish EMOTIONAL link.
STEP 2: FEEL the emotions of BOTH sides
STEP 3: Find a solution TOGETHER and possibly change any BEHAVIORS.
Please see: https://www.cnvc.org/ for reference.
We are a community, We are family, We are lovers. The emotional baggage that can come with those kinds of stresses and responsibilities can lead us to say some pretty shitty things. I believe in us, in our community and that we can solve the communication issue we are having.
ONE SIMPLE TRICK TO REMOVE ANGER FROM CONVOS…
Just remove it. take a breath, wait and put yourself in the other persons shoes just for a second, and then respond with very personal things about YOU, not the other person. Open up and show that you are HURT, You are only angry because you are HURT in some way. The way forward is love. Finding the thing that can help the convo, not inflame it will bring a solution faster…
I mean we all just wanna party anyway right?